Let’s get this out of the way: we would never suggest anything illicit.

We would, however, suggest drinking in a club that suggests something illicit.

So with that, say hello to Heist, opening next week just below Dupont to let you live out your fantasy of pulling off the ultimate caper and living off the spoils.

Yeah, so this is basically like hanging out in a comic book villain’s lair. You’ll lead your fellow conspirators past an unmarked door of charred ash and then downstairs. The first thing you’ll notice: champagne locked in a cooler behind a gold jail-cell door.

You’ll take some of that, preferably at one of the eight tables surrounded by museum-style display cases. In them: a teddy bear with diamonds spilling out of its guts, galleries of famous stolen paintings, security-camera footage of actual robberies.

But if you’d rather just rove around while you scan the room for a Catwoman or two, may we suggest starting at the bar, which they shot up with live ammo in West Virginia (naturally). There, the bartender will stir you cocktails like the Bonnie (vodka, tangerine, lime, passion fruit) while you focus on the thunderous bass generated by the local and national DJ talent.

It’s the perfect cover.