The Constitution. Great little read. Someday someone should make a movie about it starring Nicolas Cage. Also, someday someone should modify it to include a whole section about our rights to grill massive quantities of meats on the Fourth of July. A section that would look identical to what’s below...
The first rule of sausage: don’t ask how it’s made. The first amendment to the first rule of sausage: don’t ask how it’s made unless it’s being done by a southern Georgia butchering outfit that’s willing to let you create your own smoked links. Lamb + jalapeño + havarti cheese = what freedom tastes like.
Fact: you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. Also, you can’t make a pulled-pork sandwich without killing a pig. Of course, if you need further proof, give the folks at Real Goats Dairy a ring. They run a live-pig delivery service. Or, if you prefer, a bacon adoption agency.
Hawaii. It’s one of your top 49 favorite states (sorry, Rhode Island). And on Wednesday, you’ll honor it in your backyard with a proper luau. Catered by a bunch of experts who’ll bring over Hawaiian marinated short ribs, ice sculptures and exotic dancers. The grass-skirted kind. Not the Tiffany-spelled-with-three-I’s kind.
Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Coleslaw. That’s perfectly fine for an average barbecue. But not Wednesday. Wednesday, you’re grilling for the US of A. So, an entire lamb, that’s your order. And your supplier: Oak Grove Market. They’ll do the heavy lifting, you just supply a grill... that’s the size of a Buick.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but your steak is missing something. Something you’ve never heard of. Like Hawaiian black lava salt. Or roasted-chili-infused olive oil. Thankfully, there’s a local East Indian spice master who’s got all that (and more obscure seasonings) in stock. So feel free to drizzle with reckless abandon.
