Earlier this week, a bold young essayist named Sam Eichner ignited a worldwide firestorm, threatening the very fabric of society by daring to suggest frozen drinks far and wide be fucked. It was by far the most controversial thing anyone said this week in public.
As a cultivated hate enthusiast, I appreciated Sam’s early hour tacking of this manifesto to the doors of plastic hurricane machines far and wide. It may surprise you to learn that I myself tend to lean towards a “fuck frozen drinks” stance, though I can hardly claim current or past involvement in the extreme views or actions of a deep slush-hatemonger like my controversial colleague.
My issue remains, how are you supposed to drink those things? Particularly if you’re straw-adverse. For perfectly normal, not at-all-weird reasons.
Still, there are those among us who swear the boy’s gone mad, citing such natural wonders as the frozen gin-basil lemonade dubbed la Pomada at New York’s El Quinto Pino, which a shared associate calls, “the most satisfying alcohol beverage you can have on a hot day.”
But I just want to see everybody get along in life. It’s a personal issue going back to being the youngest child in my family. And suddenly I’ve found myself at 41 with a pretty fantastic sounding frozen Negroni recipe in my possession.
So it only feels right to balance this whole debate our with a frozen Negroni you can make at home, far from the judgment of Mr. Eichner.
It was passed to us by barman Matt Friedlander of Sweetwater Social in Downtown Manhattan, who uses Caorunn Gin, a Scottish spirit distilling locally foraged Celtic botanicals in the world's only working copper berry chamber. The gin just became available in the U.S.
And the cocktail arrives just in time for Negroni Week, kicking off Monday. To which we offer, fuck national food and drink holidays. Hopefully, that’s some spite we can all get behind.
Caorunn Frozen Negroni
2oz Caorunn Scottish Gin
3/4oz sweet vermouth (Carpano Antica is recommended)
3/4oz Aperol
3 drops Bittermens Hopped Grapefruit Bitters
Pinch of salt
Small handful of pebbled ice
Method: Add everything to a blender and blend until all is incorporated. Pour into double rocks glass. Garnish with one swath each of orange and grapefruit in the shape of an “X” in honor of Scotland’s flag.
