Quick. Hide your Ivanka-shaped belongings, folks, because this news is sure to give red state residents a raging boner: Jim Beam is collaborating with Budweiser.

The new drinking partners will first appear together on a bit of a national cross-merchandising tour, popping up together at bars and liquor stores this spring, kickin' ass, takin' names (or preferably emails) and reminding everyone that you can’t do a shot of Jim without a back of Bud.

Perhaps the more fruitful results of this newly assembled cartel will be a brand new beer coming out in September, when the 85th anniversary of Prohibition’s repeal is being celebrated, mostly by historic liquor brands that survived the insanity, like these two.

Budweiser Reserve Copper Lager will be produced by Bud’s brewmasters, alongside Jim Beam’s master distiller, a clear double-dose of mastery. Plans are for the beer to use generally more luxurious two-row barley before some aging on Beam’s bourbon staves for an unspecified amount of time. All with the end goal of making a beer with the bourbon's nutty, caramel rye and vanilla notes. Beechwood is feeling so dissed right now.

On the one hand, it’s kind of nice to see two American heritage booze brands getting together to create new products to make us drunk for fixin' to get into some Walmart beef.

Then again, we do have a pretty important fall election coming up in the wake of this beer-and-back onslaught. We should probably try to keep our senses together for a few more months. Maybe just take it easy and stick to the opioids. 

To paraphrase Freddy Shoop in Summer School, “Alcohol kills brain cells. You lose anymore and you’re a talking monkey, America.”