Picture this: You're cuddling up on a Friday night with your latest Tinder conquest. Things are going pretty well, they seem to be into you, but nothing's really happened yet beyond some tepid kissing. And yet, they lean in and smell your hair. "Is that... bacon? And... cheesy eggs?" they ask. "Why, yes, yes it is," you respond suavely. Suddenly, they're all over you. Garments are flying in all directions. "This is amazing," you're thinking. But then, just when things were started to get good, you notice they've begun trying to lick your head. It appears they were just very hungry.
This is the future that Einstein Bros.—yep, like the chain of bagel places—apparently wants, because to promote their latest bacon, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, they're hawking a shampoo and conditioner set that will make your noggin smell like the most important meal of the day. The sandwich, according to a press release, is "made with thick-cut, nitrate-free bacon, cage-free eggs and cheddar served on a six-cheese gourmet bagel." The hair products include Cheesy Shampoo and what's been dubbed Wakin' Bacon Conditioner, and both are available for $9.99 while supplies last. From what I understand, no actual food products were used in the making of the Cheesy Shampoo and Wakin' Bacon Conditioner.
Obviously, this is a great viral marketing stunt on the part of Einstein Bros., because look! Here we are writing about it for free. But I still have a lot of questions, including but certainly not limited to: Who wants to smell like cheese? Or, honestly, for that matter, bacon? Isn't smelling like cheese something I've been tacitly encouraged to avoid my whole life? Why am I bothering to wear deodorant anymore? What was the tenuous connection in the mind of the advertising genius who came up with this campaign between breakfast sandwiches and hair products? Is it because some people shower in the morning? Is that the big idea? And is this shampoo... supposed to make the user crave breakfast sandwiches? Isn't it possible—and just bare with me here for a second—that dumping products that reek of synthetic bacon and cheese on your head first thing in the A.M. may have the opposite of the intended effect and instead inspire you to never want to consume breakfast sandwiches of any kind ever again?
Obviously, I personally have the none of the answers to these questions (except maybe the deodorant thing). What I do know is that Kerry Coyne, Einstein's SVP of Marketing, Product, and Innovation, said this in a statement: "We often find ourselves on autopilot in the mornings as we cope with the transition from sleep to a productive day. Einstein Bros. Bagels wants to awaken consumers’ morning routines with something totally unexpected that will get them excited about breakfast and our delicious Cheesy Wakin’ Bacon sandwich."
Totally unexpected, indeed. And while I do often mind myself on autopilot in the mornings as I cope with the transition from sleep to productivity, I've figured out a pretty good solution to that which, luckily for Einstein Bros., is also something they sell. It's called coffee.
