In the past 48 hours an energy has swept the nation. No, I’m not referring to the slew of political upsets from Tuesday’s primaries. No, I’m not referring to SCOTUS saying it was okay for bakers to be bigots. I'm talking about an energy free from politics, free from whoever is in office. I’m referring to Big Dick Energy, aka BDE, aka the only energy I refuse to divest from. What is BDE?
The Cut writer Allison P. Davis did the world a great service by expanding our lexicon and defining BDE in an article earlier this week.
BDE is a quiet confidence and ease with oneself that comes from knowing you have an enormous penis and you know what to do with it. It’s not cockiness, it’s not a power trip — it’s the opposite: a healthy, satisfied, low-key way you feel yourself.
What is important to know, however, is that BDE is not limited to people who possess dicks. In fact, limiting BDE to dick-owners goes against the very nature of BDE. BDE is more energy than it is dick. With that in mind, and to balance the scales of known celebrity BDE possessors, here are women who have tapped in and are running on EPA-certified BDE.
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (socialist BDE is for everyone!)
- Reba McEntire (down home BDE)
- Tiffany Haddish [Editor's note: In my humble opinion, Haddish, while a delight, is too boisterous to possess BDE. Nothing about her is "low key" or "quiet."]
- Cher
- Laura Dern (is your boss BDE)
- Rihanna (as Davis mentioned in her article, as well)
- Jane Fonda
- Meryl Streep (Queen BDE)
- Kristen Stewart (sneaky BDE)
- Dorothy Parker (literary BDE)
- Gabrielle Union
- P!nk
- Charlize Theron
- Princess Diana (RIP, and arguably only the only royal with BDE I can think of.)
- Maya Angelou (RIP)
- The woman who owns the bakery I go to every morning to get coffee from, who remembers my order but refuses to remember my name.
- Bette Davis
- Rosario Dawson
- Sandra Bullock (in fact, most of the Ocean's 8 cast, imho)
As you read through this list, my hope is that you felt a kinship to these BDE women. Only you know if you possess it. If you have to question your ownership of BDE, it's likely you are currently not tapping into that resource. That is all right. It's not great, of course, but it's all right. Perhaps if you live your life as if you're already the proud owner of BDE, then one day it will come true.
A person can dream.
