Trick-or-treating was the best.
But you've aged out of that pastime.
So taking candy from strangers is out, and movies on the couch are in.
You deserve one last spooky hurrah before heading into a November full of spooky non-hurrahs. Invite a few friends over (or one very good friend), make some autumnal drinks, and enjoy a few pieces of candy. Okay, maybe more than a few pieces of candy...
To that end, we've devised an extremely specific Halloween streaming guide, for dates, stoners, family binges and scaredy cats.
Yes. We even have the scaredy cats covered.
The Classic Date Night
The Movie: Halloween (the original)
The Rationale: Despite the recent redux, and its ungodly number of sequels, the original slasher flick—wherein the silent madman/killer Michael Myers escapes the looney bin to terrorize a group of teens in suburban Illinois—still stands the test of time. It's scary enough to make cuddling mandatory, but not gory or terrifying enough to kill the mood.
Where to Stream: Shudder
The Stoner B-Movie Crew
The Movie: Killer Klowns from Outer Space
The Rationale: The cult classic, about, well, a cadre of killer "klowns" from outer space, is one of the most genuinely hilarious good bad movies ever made—particularly if the candy you're eating has weed in it.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Amped-Up Group That Simply Doesn't Want to Sleep Tonight
The Movie: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
The Rationale: The 1978 remake contains scenes as terrifying as any you'll see in movies today. Plus, it's premised on the fact that, if you fall asleep, your body will be assumed by an alien. So there's that, too. If you've never seen it, now's the time.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Family Who Binges Together
The Show: The Haunting of Hill House.
The Rationale: Mike Flanagan's exceptionally terrifying Netflix series, based on the classic Shirley Jackson novel, is first and foremost a family drama, which seriously meditates on themes of grief, trauma and motherhood. Fully realized, with jumps in time tied to memory that brings to mind HBO's excellent Sharp Objects, it's one of the scariest pieces of horror to come out in recent years—but also one of the most moving dramas. If nothing else, the Cranes will make your family feel sane by comparison.
Where to Stream: Netflix
The Oddballs with a Sweet Tooth and a Dark Side
The Show: The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell
The Rationale: Christine McConnell's 2018 series is, according to one New Yorker columnist, "Martha Stewart meets Tim Burton." McConnell plays the mother to a ragtag crew of deranged puppets, from an oversexed zombie raccoon to a refrigerator beast named Milly, who live with her in a gothic mansion, where she creates all manner of creepy confections, like sepulchral layer cakes and fanged chocolate strawberries. It's weird. It's funny. Dita von Teese plays a ghost. You might want to watch it.
Where to Stream: Netflix
The Edgy Third Date
The Movie: It Follows
The Rationale: David Robert Mitchell's supernatural horror movie follows a group of teens as they attempt to outrun a spiritual plague. The twist: the curse is sexually transmitted. Nothing makes two people want to hook up like the specter of an evil curse that may descend if they do.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Artsy Roomie
The Movie: The Witch
The Rationale: This movie, about an exiled settler family forced out of town to a house near the woods, moves to the beat of its own resounding drum. It requires patience. And the horror builds from its specificity: the strong, 1630 New England accents; the authentically play-like biblical language; the eerie quietude and brittle cold of the family's home. It's not for everyone, but when it reaches its stunning climax, you'll be glad you stuck with it.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Yell-at-the-TV Adrenaline Junkies
The Movie: Drag Me to Hell
The Rationale: A woman gets cursed by an old babushka and is forced to stave off an evil demon who's super intent on dragging her into the depths of hell for all eternity. It's loud, big-screen, action-packed horror from the master, Sam Raimi.
Where to Stream: Peacock
The Vampire-Loving Scaredy Cats
The Movie: What We Do in the Shadows
The Rationale: The vampire mockumentary, directed and starring Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Concords) and Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit), is wry, dry and extremely funny—like Christopher Guest meets Interview with a Vampire. Perhaps best of all, it's only 85 minutes long.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Quasi-Intellectual Horror Fans
The Movie: Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
The Rationale: This clever comedy horror flick—about a group of vacationing college kids who mistake two hillbillies as crazy murderers—hilariously subverts genre tropes, and reveals ingrained film biases about country folk in the process. Which is something you and your friends can discuss at irritating length at the conclusion of the film.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
The Franchise Fanatics
The Movie: Halloween Kills
The Rationale: OK, yes, the original is still the best of the bunch. But the 2018 version was surprisingly solid, and the recently released Halloween Kills has Michael Myers back where he belongs—no explanatory backstories, just creepy appearances, slow walking and gruesome violence. This isn't the best of the bunch, but it's a satisfying cap to the series...at least until the next one.
Where to Stream: Amazon Prime
