No serious journalistic institution would ever pull a random quote from a cohesive text and thereby ascribe it a totally different, unintended meaning.

...

Without further ado, here’s the Year in Short—a flurry of out-of-context quips, witticisms, musings and statements to celebrate the fantastic chaos of the past 12 months.

Don’t worry. They’re basically meaningless.

“Champagne drones. Fire-breathing Playmates. Innumerable Elvi.”

“Keywords: Mist goggles. Leapfrog. Waterproof bib.”

“So, you know, bring a helmet.”

“Huh. How fake-poignant.”

“... Carrying on a libidinous affair with the wife of an Italian count.”

“1: Animatronic skeletons of William Tobias Faulkner.”

“David Lynch gets a vertiginous case of Saturday Night Fever.”

“One can’t very well reenact that scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest with strangers...”

“The bad-maritime-joke possibilities are endless.”

“Was that clothing-averse acrobat real or a figment of your imagination?”