Not all subs are created alike.

See, here’s the breakdown:

All other subs < Publix subs.

And that concludes Sandwich Theory 101. We will be taking a recess at your house in about, oh... an hour.

Because you’ve got Shipt, a grocery-delivery app poised to bring you your edible provisions in an hour or less, available Monday for iPhone and Android.

Couple of ways you might go about employing this thing. Like...

You’re in need of a greeting card and some tinfoil. Never mind why. Just fire up the app, place your order, and they’ll be delivered straight to your door in under an hour.

You’re in need of a snack. And by snack, we mean one of those Publix subs stuffed with buffalo chicken tenders that’ve been lovingly topped with swiss cheese.

You’re in need of mixers at a party. Apparently, your friends took a few liberties with the amount of tonic their gin requires. Heathens.

Now, there’s a $49 membership fee. But you get unlimited gratis grocery delivery for a year with that. And they’ve got expert shoppers ready to do your bidding every day of the week until 10pm.

That’s when the carts turn back into pumpkins.