Used to be you had two choices in the juice world: pulp or no pulp.

Then suddenly: pulp, no pulp or some pulp.

Then someone said the word “kale,” and all hell broke loose.

Now this: Owen + Alchemy, a new juicery dedicated to the notion that putting healthy things into your body should be a pleasant experience, now open in Logan Square. (Here’s the slideshow and here’s the menu.)

It’s from the Kinmont/Nellcôte/Old Town Social guys and a woman who’s just really into juicing.

And the best way to understand it may be to break things down numerically:

Ways the interior resembles a minimalist NYC loft: many
Walls that have live moss growing on them: 1
Walls that have an “alchemist wheel” mural: 1
Odds that Stevie Nicks has an “alchemist wheel” mural at her house: strong to very strong
Percent of employees wearing lab coats: 100
Percent of employees who are scientists: 0
Number of cold-pressed juices on the menu: 15
Nut milk drinks in the “Nut/Seed” section: 8
“Nut milk” jokes you’ll think about making: > 0
“Nut milk” jokes you should make: 0
Menu number of the raw coconut juice and coconut meat beverage that’s purported to kill hangovers: 59
Jamba Juices harmed in the making of this establishment: [REDACTED]