Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray, South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio.

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe.

... All of these are excellent scapegoats should you accidentally burn down Billy Joel’s Hamptons House, the Piano Man’s spectacular oceanfront estate in Sagaponack, which you can rent for a glorious last summer fling in August. Take a look at it here, and then take a look at some of the relevant figures below...

Beds and baths: 4 and 6
Acres of land and square feet of mansion you’re working with: 1.07 and 5,500
Years William’s been trying to sell the place: 5
Reasons he hasn’t sold it, in dollars asked: 19.95 million
Discount he’ll give you since you’re only staying a month: 19.7 million
Plays of “Uptown Girl” you can fit in that time: 13,665
Feet of beachfront you’ll splay out on: 145
Bottles of red, white you’ll consume in the month: many
Cialis-commercial-type ocean-view bathtubs you’ve got: at least 1
Football-field-size lawns for competitive mower races: 1
Other celebrities who have lived in the place: 1 (Roy Scheider)
Odds you’ll think long and hard about getting in that water after learning that: 1:1