Spring officially starts tomorrow. So we’re about halfway between your (no doubt still-intact) New
Year’s fitness resolution and you giving out beachside tickets to the gun show. You need a workout, and
these are the best in town. Naturally, at least one involves deadly force.
What you require: A catlike sense of space and balance. What you’ll receive: German wheel lessons. This thing’s basically a gymnastic hamster
wheel for humans, and is prominently featured in Queen of the Night. We’re sure you’ll be just
as good as that guy, too.
What you require: The ability (if not the will) to invade Grenada by yourself. What you’ll receive: A Marine-taught obstacle course class that’ll see you getting
yelled at, climbing over walls, scaling cargo nets and generally becoming a damn fine soldier. It’s like a
playground... in hell.
What you require: Everest-conquering endurance powers. What you’ll receive: A workout apparatus that simulates the oxygen conditions at whatever
altitude you need. Kobe Bryant and Michael Phelps have used it. And their Everest climb was legendary.
What you require: Intense cardio, extreme focus and the ability to defeat Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar in a fight. What you’ll receive: Skill in a martial art invented by Bruce Lee, from a guy trained by
Bruce Lee. That’s one degree of separation. So yeah, Kareem’s a marked man.
What you require: A positive outlook; a chuckle. What you’ll receive: An environment where you meditate, do breathing exercises and just
start laughing. You’ll be faking it at first. And then it becomes real. It’s great for the abs.
