Your 2013 was a year of personal fulfillment and scientific progress. Meaning that you learned how to train falcons and cure hangovers. Meaning that you might have peaked. Let’s review the evidence:
There was a time when your body had to be inside a liquor store to purchase alcohol. But 2013 brought us Drizly and DrinkIn, allowing your body to stay at home while someone else drove or biked liquor to your door. By this time next year, you’ll just be printing out beer.
The passing year saw a steep rise in Boston’s rate of handsome-related incidents. Experts are holding the made-to-measure splendor of Blank Label’s showroom and Officina 189’s stash of dapper Italian-ness responsible. It’s good to know who’s behind this.
You woke up in some interesting places this year. But we’ll only be held responsible for some of them. Like 19th-century lighthouses in Maine, treehouse cabins in Vermont and Appalachian mountain huts. But presumably no Appalachian-lighthouse-cabins.
To think you once bought beer instead of making your own in an enormous kettle in Newton. What with your newfound ability to brew three cases of vanilla bourbon barrel stout yourself and all. Okay, you still bought beer.
Right around this time last year, you set goals for yourself. Like eating better, exercising more and learning the ancient art of falconry from a husband-and-wife team in New Hampshire. Good thing you’ve got another year coming up to eat better and exercise more.
You heard us. “Summered.” All those times you slept in a 19th-century Nantucket mansion full of homemade Oreos. And ate lobster rolls in a claw-foot tub in Provincetown. And “summered” in other ways. That’s when you “summered.”
You endeavored to become more of a morning person over the last 364. And luckily, that’s also when Boston saw its first tattoo-removal parlor where a registered nurse hooked you up to an IV filled with hangover-erasing nutrients so you didn’t have to drink less. Thanks, registered nurse.
