Getting out of bed in the morning.

Walking places.

Raising sandwiches to your mouth.

You do a lot of taxing physical labor over the course of a year.

You need something to ease the tension...

So relax your muscles for Massage Zeelot, the world’s first subscription service for in-home massages, accepting members for preregistration now.

Maybe you’ve heard of Zeel. They rolled out a massage-booking app a few months back. It was great. Knots were worked. Oohs: aahed. Now they’re raising the stakes. Making sure you’re caressed just right on a regular basis, wherever and whenever you want, and for less than everyone else.

It’ll work thusly: you’ll go here and sign up for a year. Then you’ll go about your business. Then you’ll desire a massage. Fire up the app and choose a time (they only need an hour’s notice, so feel free to spontaneously reward yourself for... being you). You can choose massage therapist gender, location (your office: yes) and either Swedish or deep-tissue varieties.

And there it is—massage en route. Also: they’re giving you a massage table to have, if you want it.

We’re sure you’ll find a use for it.