We’re lovers. You know that. But every now and again, something comes across our desks that just seems... suspicious. Because of the tremendous material upside to all our lives if these claims pan out, we at times put ourselves in harm’s way to investigate. Albeit skeptically.

We call it: Skeptical Investigation. (Trademark pending.)

THE CLAIM
That the Ghostland Burgatory, available through August 3 at Hopdoddy Burger Bar, is the hottest burger in town. Meaning it’s insanely spicy. Not insanely attractive.

THE INVESTIGATION
We sent our most expendable interns into the field to sample this hellish burger that’s piled high with ghost peppers, ghost pepper sauce, habaneros, serranos and pepper jack cheese and comes with its own liability waiver. These are their bite-by-bite findings.

Bites 1-3: Juicy beef. Peppery kick. Spicy, but not overwhelming.

Bite 4: Holy mackerel. Here comes the heat. 

Bites 5-8: Roller coaster of emotions. Stretches of burger-related joy punctuated by moments of unfathomable regret.

Bite 9: Blacked out from the ghost peppers...

Bites 10-11: ... Revived. Got a second wind. Embraced the pain. Really embraced the side of truffle fries.

Bite 12: Plate cleaned. Mission accomplished. Carton of milk acquired.

THE VERDICT
Oh, it’s hot all right. Like some kind of delicious beefy fireball. If you enjoy obnoxiously spicy peppers (and burgers) and have no respect for the sensitive outer layer of your esophagus, then you’ll like this.

If not, well, too bad. You signed a waiver.