“I think I’ll just eat a salad.”

“I’ll take the small beer, please.”

“I’ll have a hot dog. Hold the bun, hold the dog.”

Yup, three things that have never been said at a ballpark.

Especially around this place...

Skip lunch (and the previous night’s dinner) for Texas Sized 24, the newest concession stand at the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, where they’re serving a bunch of, well, Texas-sized things you will really want to eat/should probably share with your entire row.

Now, before you just dive in, say, at the home opener this Friday, here’s a sabermetrics-like analysis of what you’ll consume when baseball isn’t busy getting in the way.

The section closest to the concession stand: 25
Player-related food puns on the menu: 3 (Beltre Buster, Murph-a-Dilla, Totally Rossome Boomstick)
Number of guesses it’ll take you to figure out “boomstick” means two-foot hot dog: 5
Size of a soft pretzel: 24 inches
Cost of a soft pretzel: $13
Number of soft pretzels Josh Hamilton could buy with his new Angels contract: about 9.6 million
Toppings on the Murph-a-Dilla: 5
Number of those toppings that are smoked brisket: 1
Width of second base: 15 inches
Width of a Murph-a-Dilla: nearly twice that
Approximate number of innings it would take to devour the entire menu: 19
Number of Ranger games that have ever gone 19 innings: 0