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Splitsville

The Five Best Breakup Spots

Valentine’s Day. It... happened. You found the perfect gift. Booked the perfect table. Quickly realized your date was less than, well, perfect. Anyway, it was fun while it lasted, but enough is enough. So go ahead, pick your moment. We’ll take care of the place.

THE COMFORT FOOD PLAY

Jack’s Southern Comfort Food

You require: An arsenal of fried chicken, flaky biscuits and other soul-soothing comestibles.
You’ll receive: A quaint little spot where you can quietly break the news and then immediately ply your now-ex with plates of mac and cheese. See, everybody wins.

THE ALL-HOURS OPTION

Pop Diner

You require: Somewhere you can go for an emergency, it’s-now-or-never breakup... that also serves chili-topped Coneys.
You’ll receive: An open-all-night, ’80s-themed sanctuary where the two of you can end a fatally flawed relationship and begin a completely fake friendship.

THE QUIETEST SPOT IN TOWN

Dallas Public Library

You require: A place where screaming is frowned upon.
You’ll receive: Row after row of books and periodicals and encyclopedias and places to hide...

THE MUSICAL FINISH

Nick & Sam’s

You require: A grand piano. Because bad news always sounds better when you sing it.
You’ll receive: Red wine and steak. Start with that. Then, when the pianist takes a break, commandeer the bench and start tickling those ivories. Maybe have a cab waiting.

THE PRIVATE FAREWELL

Stone Street Martini Lounge

You require: Ice-cold martinis, a large leather couch and nobody within earshot.
You’ll receive: A secluded second-floor refuge for sipping stiff drinks in shadowy corners. It’s intimate. It’s private. It will almost certainly end with you getting a face full of martini. The things you’ll do for gin.