Quick, grab a pen and write this down:

Roller derby. This Sunday. Six o’clock. Bring Icy Hot.

...

Yep. You’re on a roller derby team now.

Specifically, the Atlanta Men’s Roller Derby team, a new semi-violent, semi-weird skating faction that’s exactly like the women’s team... minus the women, accepting new recruits now.

And if you’re wondering why you might give a damn, here are a few reasons why you might give a damn...

It’s Officially Spring Next Week. You Need a New Sport.
As winter comes to a close, you’ll be spending less time in bonfire-type situations and more time in, well, body-slamming-type situations. You’ll head to a gym in Norcross. You’ll be trained by an Atlanta Rollergirl. You’ll try not to trip over your skate laces.

Skating Is Good for You. Apparently.
If you’re not going for the competition, go for the cardio. Just kidding, go for the skating in circles and colliding into people at breakneck speeds. Bonus: cardio.

The Object of the Game: Blow Off Steam.
In this game, there are blockers and jammers. Blockers skate in a pack. Jammers try and bust through that pack. You should totally be a jammer. A) You’d be called a “jammer,” and B) it’s that or a stress ball.

And everybody knows stress balls are stupid.