Things got a little wild over the holiday weekend.

But at no point did you find yourself in a Beverly Hills alley, heading into a secret lounge to watch some unspeakably dirty live shows.

Let’s make sure that never happens again...

Behold the quivering majesty of Sanctum, an invite-only Beverly Hills nightspot. It’s home to a tantalizing array of downright racy performances, and it’s accepting invite requests now.

To begin: we can’t tell you where it is. Sorry. That would blow the whole secrecy thing. What we can tell you is how to get admitted and what you’ll see.

Go to their Facebook page. Send Sanctum a note. If they like what they see in terms of your attractiveness, number of mutual friends and artfully chosen cover photo—just kidding on that last one, we think—congratulations. You’re invited.

They’ll set aside some tickets for you, which you pick up at a lingerie shop. (Naturally.) And then, on the big night, you’ll head to that alley. Then: doorman. Staircase. Darkness. Girls. Piano. All very atmospheric. Lots of live performances happening throughout the night.

We really can’t say much else, but... maybe you’ll see a girl wearing latex in a bathtub, pouring milk all over herself. Or maybe you’ll see naked girls rubbing themselves with oil. And hey, maybe some guys doing the same—it’s a real something-for-everyone kind of place.

And everyone’s skin gets so dry this time of year.