We’re lovers. You know that. But every now and again, something comes across our desks that just seems... suspicious. Because of the tremendous material upside to all our lives if these claims pan out, we at times put ourselves in harm’s way to investigate. Albeit skeptically.

We call it: Skeptical Investigation. (Trademark pending.)

THE CLAIM
The new Horny Goat Weed Martini at Zuma alleges that it can help, um... how can we put this delicately... make you want to have the sex. Anyway, with tomorrow being Valentine’s Day and all, this seemed like a thing worth looking into.

THE INVESTIGATION
We dispatched... a friend... right, a friend... to the scene-y sushi spot to sample this horny goat weed (aka “barrenwort,” aka “rowdy lamb herb,” aka “that suspicious-looking supplement they sometimes sell at bodegas”) enhanced martini. A bartender was found, eye contact was avoided, and the drink was ordered. Quickly. Quietly.

Into a shaker went tequila reposado, honey, fresh yuzu, a dash of Salers Gentiane liqueur and some horny goat weed tea. The concoction was then poured into a martini glass, garnished with a lemon peel and slowly/seductively slid across the bar. Bottoms up.

THE VERDICT
Taste: quite nice. Kinda tart (that’s probably the yuzu). Kinda sour (that’s probably the Salers Gentiane). Kinda delicious (that’s probably the tequila).

Loin burning: well... yeah... a little bit, actually. Perhaps this stuff does work.

Or perhaps that’s the tequila.