In the 1980s, life was bleak.

When you went to the club, your phone stayed home (and cried).

Congressmen had to fax pictures of their junk to college girls.

Worst of all—the Sony Walkman didn’t dispense liquor.

We’re happy to report the dark days are over. Introducing Drinkman, signaling a new apex in sneaky hip flasks that look like outmoded music players, available now.

First, a quick breakdown of what you’re not dealing with. You’re not dealing with cassette tapes. You’re not dealing with clunky rewind-only buttons. You’re not dealing with any kind of music. If you want to listen to Debbie Gibson, download “Only in My Dreams” on your phone. This thing just holds liquor.

Fill it with any favorite fine cognac you need to inconspicuously smuggle into venues that frown upon bringing your own aged beverages. Wrigley Field. The beach. Midnight showings of Flashdance.

Now, be warned, it’s not entirely foolproof. At the end of the day, Drinkman is just a molded piece of hollow plastic that roughly resembles an off-brand Walkman. The kind your mother would buy at Venture (surely you remember Venture) and tell you it was every bit as good as a Sony.

Or at least a Sorny.