Leisure

Training Day

Training for the 2016 Olympics

We hate to break it to you, but you missed your chance. The Olympics start Friday. And your swimming: completely lacking synchronization. But there’s still hope. In 2016. And in obscure sports like badminton. So below: some training options to ensure your Rio de Janeiro Olympic bid. Cue the montage.

FENCING

Dallas Fencing Academy

The Training: When sword fighting, you want to train with the best. Like Inigo Montoya. Or a former Russian National Team fencer. In this case, the latter will teach you how to parry, thrust, appel and avoid being stabbed.
Degree of Difficulty: Medium. The swords: not too pointy (we checked).

BADMINTON

Dallas Badminton Club

The Training: Take a lesson to refine your footwork and positioning. Or find a partner and learn how to hit the damn thing. Then, compete in tournaments that draw players from all over the world... who are likely better than you.
Degree of Difficulty: High. Shuttlecocks fly up to 200 mph. Maybe wear some goggles.

TABLE TENNIS

DFW Table Tennis

The Training: An elite crop of coaches (think US Open champs and European pros) will whip you into shape. Ping-pong shape. One private class and you’ll be the proud new owner of a devastating forehand smash. Make sure you give it a nickname. Like Widowmaker.
Degree of Difficulty: Medium. There’ll be welts.

POLE VAULTING

Elite Sportz

The Training: This indoor facility’s got 10,000 square feet of runways, professional-grade equipment and a staff of highly experienced trainers. Also, and this is key, lots of really cushy padding.
Degree of Difficulty: Insane. Nearly 30,000 people die every year from pole vaulting. We think. We don’t know much about pole vaulting.