With the Olympics approaching, some people repair to a bar for rhythmic gymnastics drinking games. But not you. You say, “I could do that.” Here, then, a primer on where to get coached up in some of the more obscure Olympic sports. But not racewalking. Because that’s stupid.
You never know when someone is going to ask you to go over a castle wall. Well, probably never, but even if they don’t, you’ll still be in really good shape once this coach of nationally ranked vaulters teaches you to leap 12 feet in the air. And how to land.
If you don’t mind treading water—for a couple hours at a clip—then you’ll want to drop in on one of this co-ed team’s practices. They’ll drill you in conditioning, shooting skills and strategy, and finally let you scrimmage with their seasoned players. No, you can’t play in the shallow end.
You’ve been getting an awful lot of compliments at those weekend moon-bounce parties you’ve been attending. Time to fulfill your destiny on an actual Olympic-style trampoline. You’ll learn aerial awareness, barrel rolls, somersaults and how to keep practicing at home. Your mattress will never be the same.
If you’re going to master an Olympic sport, better master one you can play in bars. Playing Mickey to your Rocky: a pair of coaches who have trained the US Olympic team and each been ranked No. 1 in the nation. Your apprenticeship in China can’t be far off.
Then again, nothing wrong with being trained by an Olympian. Especially when it involves instruments of death. Helmed by a former Olympic archer, this program will start you on basics (“This is an arrow”) and take you all the way up to local and regional tournaments (“This is a trophy”).
