Tonight, your options for 4am hot dogs have never been better: Jimbo Top Gun Red Hots and Phil’s Last Stand have both opened. To understand the subtle differences, we’ve compiled this handy field guide. Use wisely.

The Inspiration
Jimbo: A US Air Force pilot; you’ll see his picture on the wall.
Phil’s: A 440-pound wiseguy who calls himself Fat Phil—you’ll see him behind the counter.
Edge: Phil’s. Unapologically selling Double Fatso burgers and char-grilled salami while looking us in the eye—we respect that.

You’ll Probably Come Here After...
Jimbo: Crawls through the streets of Wrigleyville.
Phil’s: Perfecting your running man on the floor at Darkroom.
Edge: A tie. Though the running man does work up one’s appetite.

The Dogs
Jimbo: Red Hot Chicago. (Char. Chili. Deep-fried footlongs.)
Phil’s: Vienna Beef. (Char. Double char. Double char with cheddar.)
Edge: Jimbo’s. A deep-fried footlong is the only hangover preventative recommended by the AMA.

The Crazy
Jimbo: The Double Decker: a thin-crust pizza baked on top of another thin-crust pizza.
Phil’s: An eating contest featuring a two-pound deep-fried shrimp po’boy.
Edge: Phil’s. You do your best competitive eating between 1 and 3am.

The Other Menu
Jimbo: Burgers. Lobster pasta. Deep-fried ravioli.
Phil’s: A secret menu: with Fatso con Huevo (hamburger with an egg) and Fatso con Loco (a hamburger with cheddar and sriracha).
Edge: Phil’s—everyone loves a good secret.