Food

Afternoon Delight

The State of Brunch This Fall

Ladies, gentlemen, distinguished lovers of all things hollandaise—today we’d like to address the state of brunch. Below: a UD-approved/government-ratified guide to the finest new midday meal options this fall. From the transcendental to the partially nude to the conga-line-centric. Set your alarms appropriately.

STRETCH BEFORE YOU EAT

CO-OP Food & Drink

The What: Bananas Foster waffles, detoxifying smoothies and a pre-brunch rooftop yoga session.
The When: 10am. Allows enough time to recover before the unlimited acai berry cocktails commence.
The Level of Insanity: 2 out of 10 (assuming you’re limber enough for downward-facing dog).

SOFT JAZZ SOOTHES ALL WOUNDS

The Lion

The What: The banquette-ringed/Basquiat-adorned restaurant is adding a new sunny-side-egg-and-smoked-cheddar biscuit. Also, a horn section.
The When: 12:01pm. You have a hard and fast rule about no sax solos before noon.
The Level of Insanity: 3.8 out of 10 (the .8 factors in your order of Tasmanian Sea trout).

WHEN BLOODY MARYS WON’T WORK

White & Church

The What: Alternative hangover medicine. Like macaroni-and-cheese-stuffed burgers and cocktails with floating insects.
The When: Anytime. We’re talking toasted honeybee cocktails here. There’s really no good/bad time.
The Level of Insanity: 5 out of 10 (tequila-steeped spicy worms actually pair quite well with pistachio pancakes).

SUNDAY IS MY SATURDAY

Millesime

The What: A burlesque show disguised as an afternoon brunch. Featuring: three kinds of Bloodys, one kind of (lobster) frittata and the constant threat of a striptease.
The When: 11:59am. Amendment to your sax solo rule: before noon is fine when flappers are involved.
The Level of Insanity: 6.5 out of 10 (more meals ought to shoot for a PG-13 rating).

OPERATING ON PACIFIC STANDARD TIME

PH-D Rooftop Lounge

The What: A celebratory, post-brunch rooftop party where at least 34% of the dancing takes place on tabletops.
The When: 6:02pm. Right around the time you’d normally be lying down for a nap.
The Level of Insanity: 8 out of 10 (imagine a Las Vegas club crossed with a Boca Raton early-bird special).

LET THERE BE CONGA LINES

Day & Night at Ajna

The What: Typical brunch fare. Oh, also smoke machines, Barbie dolls, gold-fringed bikinis and champagne sparkler processions set to the score of Star Wars.
The When: 3pm. The US Surgeon General recommends no more than three hours of fake fog inhalation and John Williams instrumentals.
The Level of Insanity: 9 out of 10 (and on the seventh day... you rested).