You’re not a writer, per se.

Sure, you’ve penned a few screenplays. Had a couple optioned. Gotten one made (Titanic).

Still, it’s not like you’re Faulkner.

On the other hand: you do occasionally imbibe like him.

So you’ll want to check out The Writers Room, a secret, leathery lair for Lost Generation–level drinking and carousing, opening tonight in a back alley in Hollywood.

First things first: you’ll need to find this place. Best way to do that: look for a couple of doors in the alleyway/parking lot next to Musso & Frank. (In a previous life, this was Musso & Frank’s back room, where titans like Fitzgerald, Faulkner and John Huston would come to blow off some steam between rewrites.)

Then, you’ll need to get in. For this, it might help if you have some friend-of-a-friend tie to the owners, which include: actor/writer/Muppeteer Jason Segel; the guy behind Kenmare in New York, Nur Khan; and Jack Huston, who plays the half-faced guy on Boardwalk Empire (grandson to John).

After all that, you’ll probably want a drink. Take it on one of the Chesterfield sofas. Or better yet, take it in the 1920s elevator car, where you can draw the curtains, stretch out on a daybed and hit a switch on the wall if you need any help.

You know: the typical writer treatment.