Poker rooms have a predictable cast of characters.

Well-coiffed women with peroxide smiles. Sunburnt honeymooners in mirrored aviators. That Bornean palm oil magnate with a glass eye and knack for sniffing out river bluffs.

You’ve run up against them all.

All, that is, except the girl next door attending to the massage chair in the corner.

Allow us to formally introduce you to Casino’ssage, a conglomerate of highly trained fascia-manipulation artists at casinos around the city and, most likely, your next high-limit Hold’em tournament.

So say that even after your weekly good-luck ritual—13 games of skee-ball at Bellagio, a ride on the Big Shot and meatballs at Rao’s—you lose seven straight hands. It’s time to call in reinforcement. Hint: her name is Kelly and she’s trained in kinesiology.

You know the drill from here. You’ll take to the massage chair (she comes to you), breathe deep, parasympathetic-spurring breaths, and let Kelly work her magic fingers before you go on tilt.

Because it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.