There are some things in this world you had no idea you needed to know about until they actually crossed your path.

USB martini shakers. The “coffee is for closers” scene from Glengarry Glen Ross. The sandwich.

Yes, there are always those things.

And then there’s this...

Behold the borderline useless/borderline mandatory piece of handmade mantel-candy otherwise known as the Medieval Crossbow, now available for your antique-collecting, faux-knighting pleasure.

Now, short of Liam Neeson showing up and releasing a Kraken in your living room, this thing is probably best left as a properly displayed conversation piece. And by properly, we mean hiring a full-time Sir Galahad impersonator to hang out on horseback in your foyer (or again, just on the mantel should be fine).

Each one is handcrafted by a guy in the Ukraine (if anyone knows their medieval crossbows, it’s the Ukrainians) and requires a few days’ notice for manufacturing purposes. And once you pick the right specs, color... and whatever else a seasoned crossbowman would pick, you’ll also be able to stock up on things like quivers, bolts (basically arrows) and, of course, armor.

No self-respecting crossbow owner would be caught without armor.