Common misconception: a great Valentine’s Day gift requires time, effort and significant thought. In reality: a great Valentine’s Day gift just requires this invaluable document, the ability to read and the capacity to love. Although, only two of the three are actually necessary.
There’s nothing more seductive than an open flame. Or less seductive than a space heater. Which should be reason enough to invest in a portable, bioethanol hearth. Because sharing a Bordeaux while on a cashmere rug that’s at the foot of a radiator just seems off.
It’s been pretty well established at this point that love is a battlefield. Ammunition: always a heartfelt gift. Or at least it is when you’re talking about handcrafted wood and feather arrows. Which will either induce insatiability or mortal wounds if shot.
If there was ever a holiday when gifting a deck of nude pinups was appropriate, it’s Arbor Day. But since you never know exactly when that is, you might as well give them now. They’re vintage, which practically makes them art. Well, except that eight of clubs.
Gifts always communicate a message between the giver and receiver. A dozen roses says: “I don’t have a single bone of originality in my body.” While a fire-engine-red flask that reads “sex” in nautical flags clearly states: “I intend to irresponsibly ravage you on the high seas.”
Some relationships are meant to last forever. Others are meant to last till beach season. We assume you can suss out which should be immortalized on a personalized bobblehead for two. If you break up, it’ll actually become a collector’s item.
You’ve got nothing against pumpkin spice or fresh linen, but a scented candle that smells exactly like the inside of the Château de Versailles just seems far more appropriate. There’s also one shaped as the bust of Marie Antoinette, but we can’t speak to the accuracy of that aroma.
