Friends, it's black-tie season.

The Alfalfa Club Dinner's later this month, and then you'll be gripping-and-grinning your way through an endless series of media dinners.

So, the way we see it, you have two options, at least where your tie is concerned: you can wear some generic number like everyone else in the room.

Or you can wear...history.

Introducing L'Escalier d'Argent Bow Ties, available at Keith Lipert Gallery in Georgetown and based on historical patterns from courts, castles and other less democratic halls of power.

Let's get this out of the way right now: these aren't the kind of Eastern Establishment-type ties you'd see on George Will. Instead, they're flown in from Paris, where you might imagine these accoutrements having been at home on the neck of Ben Franklin as he flirted his way around the salons of France. (You know how it is.)

They're designed by a descendant of the Jacquard family (basically, the Tom Ford of 19th century France). She's outfitted them in florals from the 1600s (for when Sarko stops by), Asian-influenced designs from the 1700s and a pattern from the court of Louis XVI fancied by Marie Antoinette's brother. (Goes well with eating cake.) If you're in a pinch, they come pre-tied with a clasp in the back, but you can also untie it and do it yourself.

Eat your heart out, Will.