As a wise man—okay, it was Hunter S. Thompson—once said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." Well, if you haven't noticed, the world is going very weird. So it's probably time to go pro. Or better yet, consult one.

Like a guy who makes catapults for a living.

Welcome to Absinthe & Flamethrowers, an indispensable guide to causing a little mischief (and not losing an arm or a leg in the process), written by a professional catapult-builder, out now.

First, though, a warning: the first few pages—mostly devoted to why you should go about embracing a life of danger—are a little slow. So make a quick pit stop at the chapter about not blowing yourself up (helpfully titled "The Most Important Chapter in the Book"), and skip straight to the good stuff, starting with a section on "The Minor Vices."

There, you'll learn a handful of Bond-worthy skills: lighter tricks (like "the flip") for your chivalric repertoire, the best places in the world to drive fast (Dubai, the Isle of Man), and how to pull off a brilliant hoax (namely, do it on a slow news day—something tells us Balloon Boy's dad had an advance copy). You'll also be able to brush up on knife-throwing, handling a bullwhip—inspired, naturally, by the "Rawhide" scene in The Blues Brothers—and unleashing your inner MacGyver.

Or at least your inner MacGruber.