The weekend is faking your birth certificate.
You love portable music, except for one thing: the terms "decent bass" and "portable speakers" are pretty much mutually exclusive. To achieve full-on heaviosity, artfully remove this iPod-sized speaker from your pocket and place it on the nearest flat surface, where it will boost the low-end by bouncing sound waves off of, say, your table. We're sure the brunette at the end of the bar enjoys Dre as much as you do.
When last night's indulgences lead to the next morning's skull-rattling headaches, it's only natural to reach for the closest thing with a trigger—ideally, something that serves you sweet, sweet caffeine. Like this mug, which even includes a safety catch—because you insist on absolute, 100-percent realism from your novelty mugs.
Every once in a while, a blog comes along that revolutionizes the way you look at the entire Internet. This is not that blog, but it's close—it simply compiles stupid errors from news sites around the world. Like the ad for Off "incest repellent." Or the one about the one about volunteers searching "for old Civil War planes." As the site says, good luck with that.
As you've long known, a little understatement goes a long way—especially when that curvy two-ton beauty you call your ride is involved. These offer an alternative to the usual rah-rah fare with its unenthused opposite—hence, "My other car is substantially similar to this one" and "I could go either way on a lot of things." Consider it an exception to your "no bumper sticker" rule.
While you usually have Jeeves open your every door, letter and bottle, sometimes you give him the night off. On those difficult evenings, there's this stainless steel key-slash-bottle opener. If you're patient, know that future editions will have customized laser embossing—they're even taking a poll on what they should offer next. It seems only patriotic to vote for "American Pride Theme."
