It's a weird time to be a woman. While we're finally being widely supported in speaking out about the vast spectrum of sexual misconduct and discriminatory behavior we've long been victims of, we're also forever in fear of stuff like losing our most basic reproductive rights. We're encouraged to be ambitious and #LeanIn, but not so much that it might intimidate the menfolk. We almost had a female president, but then at the last minute America decided a tawny-hued former reality star would be the better pick. Oh, and then there's this dildo someone made to look like the imagined penis of the fish-man from Guillermo del Toro's Oscar-nominated film The Shape of Water. 

Yeah, so, that's a thing! According to Gizmodo, the so-called "Jewel of the Amazon" dildo was created by sex toy maker and Tumblr user XenoCatArtifacts, and is available on Etsy. It's currently sold out, but a limited-edition run of 20 will apparently be back in stock in advance of the Oscars. Which is good, I guess, if you're in the habit of purchasing dildos that specifically resemble the reproductive organs of characters from Best Picture contenders. 

Much ink has been spilled about the mechanics, ethics and narrative purpose of the "fish sex" scene in The Shape of Water, which stars Sally Hawkins as a low-level, mute employee at a top-secret government facility and Doug Jones as the fish-human hybrid she falls in love with. Personally, while I enjoyed the film, I felt I didn't necessarily need to see a woman and fish-like creature get it on. I definitely didn't need to know that, as is confirmed later in the film, the fish-man has a human-esque penis. And I definitely definitely did not need to see said penis interpreted as a dildo available for purchase on Etsy. 

I recognize, of course, that I do not speak for every woman. If your main takeaway from the film was, "Hey, I wonder what it's like to get it on with that fish-man," then clearly, today is your lucky day. Good luck and godspeed in obtaining this limited-edition sexual collector's item. I, on the other hand, think I need a break from the internet.