Every year, you perform your duty as a citizen of the United States by paying your taxes to Uncle Sam so he
can use it for the public good.
But if you sent in a little too much for the public to handle... you’ll soon get that fat, juicy refund. Then it’s time to use it for your personal good... or at least your personal want.
So you may find yourself feeling the need for something wildly impractical. Like Patrick Swayze memorabilia. Or a pen made from dinosaur bones. Or a tiny, tiny model of yourself.
And here’s a list of just such things, arranged from sort of expensive to inordinately expensive.
Enjoy responsibly?
Toothpicks infused with single malt scotch are 436% better than toothpicks not infused with single
malt scotch. That’s a fact we made up. Single Malt Nº16, $36
We found you a bottle of limited-edition maple syrup, aged in retired Pappy Van Winkle bourbon
barrels, because there’s simply no shame in spending your tax refund on better pancakes. Pappy Barrel-Aged Maple Syrup, $38
Turns out, we now have the technology to make 3D-printed figurines of ourselves. Which is totally
fucking weird. But also, like, kind of cool. Shapify, $79
Here’s a limited-edition collection of contemporary art—from Ryan McGinley, Barbara Kruger,
Damien Hirst and more—each piece of which is printed on a beach towel. They’re both totally necessary
and totally unnecessary. Meta? Artspace Beach Towels, $75-$95
The fine people at Supreme printed their logo on red bricks. Then you bought one and put it on
your coffee table. Or didn’t. Probably the latter. Supreme Brick, prices vary
This lockback knife’s handle contains a section of a tooth from an actual woolly mammoth, which
lived and died about 15,000 years ago. Make sure to casually tell your friends as you happen to be slicing
an apple for some reason. 3" Lockback
Knife, $110
Look, it’s a collection of
normal shit—plates, pillows, plants—that just so happens to have the power to levitate. You know you
shouldn’t spend good money on this. And yet... Levitating X Collection, $150 and up
For when you need a breather at your next tailgate, there’s the Tailgaters’ Hammock. Don’t
worry. It only looks dumb. The
Tailgaters’ Hammock, $350
Always the forward thinker, renowned designer Rick Owens made you a nearly $500 plain white
T-shirt, that’s more or less a plain white T-shirt. Who would have ever thought of that? Rick Owens DRKSHDW Elongated T-Shirt, $490
“Cool longbow, bro.” —Anyone who sees your longbow. The American
Longbow, $798
To think: one day, you’re a dinosaur, stalking your prey, and then 100 million years later, your
fossil is part of an elegant rollerball pen someone got because they hired a CPA who got them one hell of a
refund this year and can write off the pen as “business supplies” next year. Dinosaurs never see that
coming. Cabernet
Titan, $1,800
Step 1: win the leather jacket Patrick Swayze wore as Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing from
his
estate’s auction. Step 2: we simply cannot imagine what Step 2 is. Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing Leather Jacket, $4,000-$6,000
But if you sent in a little too much for the public to handle... you’ll soon get that fat, juicy refund. Then it’s time to use it for your personal good... or at least your personal want.
So you may find yourself feeling the need for something wildly impractical. Like Patrick Swayze memorabilia. Or a pen made from dinosaur bones. Or a tiny, tiny model of yourself.
And here’s a list of just such things, arranged from sort of expensive to inordinately expensive.
Enjoy responsibly?
Toothpicks infused with single malt scotch are 436% better than toothpicks not infused with single
malt scotch. That’s a fact we made up. Single Malt Nº16, $36 We found you a bottle of limited-edition maple syrup, aged in retired Pappy Van Winkle bourbon
barrels, because there’s simply no shame in spending your tax refund on better pancakes. Pappy Barrel-Aged Maple Syrup, $38 Turns out, we now have the technology to make 3D-printed figurines of ourselves. Which is totally
fucking weird. But also, like, kind of cool. Shapify, $79 Here’s a limited-edition collection of contemporary art—from Ryan McGinley, Barbara Kruger,
Damien Hirst and more—each piece of which is printed on a beach towel. They’re both totally necessary
and totally unnecessary. Meta? Artspace Beach Towels, $75-$95 The fine people at Supreme printed their logo on red bricks. Then you bought one and put it on
your coffee table. Or didn’t. Probably the latter. Supreme Brick, prices vary This lockback knife’s handle contains a section of a tooth from an actual woolly mammoth, which
lived and died about 15,000 years ago. Make sure to casually tell your friends as you happen to be slicing
an apple for some reason. 3" Lockback
Knife, $110 Look, it’s a collection of
normal shit—plates, pillows, plants—that just so happens to have the power to levitate. You know you
shouldn’t spend good money on this. And yet... Levitating X Collection, $150 and up For when you need a breather at your next tailgate, there’s the Tailgaters’ Hammock. Don’t
worry. It only looks dumb. The
Tailgaters’ Hammock, $350 Always the forward thinker, renowned designer Rick Owens made you a nearly $500 plain white
T-shirt, that’s more or less a plain white T-shirt. Who would have ever thought of that? Rick Owens DRKSHDW Elongated T-Shirt, $490 “Cool longbow, bro.” —Anyone who sees your longbow. The American
Longbow, $798 To think: one day, you’re a dinosaur, stalking your prey, and then 100 million years later, your
fossil is part of an elegant rollerball pen someone got because they hired a CPA who got them one hell of a
refund this year and can write off the pen as “business supplies” next year. Dinosaurs never see that
coming. Cabernet
Titan, $1,800 Step 1: win the leather jacket Patrick Swayze wore as Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing from
his
estate’s auction. Step 2: we simply cannot imagine what Step 2 is. Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing Leather Jacket, $4,000-$6,000
