Don’t you dare call Sir Richard Branson “Ricky.”

Only his mother calls him that.

You may address him as Miss Ricky... actually, wait.

That’s the name of his new all-American comfort food spot opening Monday in the Virgin Hotel.

Just stick to Sir Richard.

This joint answers the age-old question of what British people think an all-American, apple-pie-on-the-counter diner is like.

You’ll like the way they think.

See, your menu is your placemat. Your booths are lined with fuzzy fabric. Your chairs are strategically mismatched. And your short-order cook is your bartender.

Basically, you’ve got an easygoing, whatever-you-need, whenever-you-need-it place. But it helps if you have specific needs, such as:

—Grand Marnier donuts and tres leches french toast for breakfast.

—Nutella-and-jam sandwiches for lunch.

—Steak frites or short rib pot pies for dinner.

—An AV-equipped private room and boozy milkshakes for “second quarter sales meetings.”

—Caraway-seed-infused whiskey in the form of a Rye or Die to sate your pumpernickel-flavored-cocktail cravings.

—Late-night stacks of Heavenly Hots, the way Ina Pinkney used to make at Ina’s.

—Giant wedges of confetti-colored birthday cake whenever you damn well please.

Yes, you can get a candle with that.