“We’re having a real Mexican renaissance right now. It’s terrible. I hate Mexican food and tequila. Who needs it?”

And that... is what a conversation that’ll never exist looks like...

So strap in for Horchata, a Technicolor dreamcoat of a Greenwich Village Mexican spot, opening tomorrow.

Very recently this was BLT Burger. But the man behind the BLT curtain decided it needed to be... better. And voilà. What that means for you is best expressed using some Arabic symbols known as “numbers.” Witness:

Colors of the rainbow used on the benches, stools, walls and bookshelves here: ∞
Walls designed and created by a Beyoncé-approved outfit called Confettisystem: 2
Guesses you get as to what those walls are made of: 1
Odds mentioning the Beyoncé connection will lead to an excited discussion of what Jay Z said to Solange: 1:1
Types of guacamole: 4
Times you’ve dreamed about describing your evening as “a profound, multiple-guacamole experience”: ≥ 1
Tamarind-glazed fish to eat: 1
Fish in the sea: plenty
Precariously arranged shelves of tequilas and mezcals stacked behind the bar: 23
Mojitos and caipirinhas to work through: 8
Average memory retention following all this: 20%