Camping.

It’s all fun and games until you start a fire in your tent while trying to get HBO Go to function and you’re face-to-face with a pack of rabid badgers.

In that case, stand extra tall and make loud noises.

Or just do what this Green Beret says.

Pay close attention to Primitive Outdoor Wilderness Survival, an intensive five-day class that’ll have you building fires, snaring dinners and generally learning to stay alive, taking registrations now for May 19 to 23 in Alvord, Texas.

A map shows that’s about an hour north of town. And that’s where you’ll meet your instructor, Steve. He’s former Special Forces, and he specializes in things like remote survival, field medicine and knife fighting. So he’s good company when you’re sleeping outdoors for a week.

You’ll start with some practical skills like constructing shelters, starting fires (outside your tent) and going all Bear Grylls on unsuspecting squirrels. You know, the kind of stuff you’ll want to know should you ever be stranded on a deserted island or, like, in some woods in Alvord, Texas.

But as the class progresses, you’ll learn more advanced skills like land navigation, tactical movements and self-defense. Which, in this case, involves hand-to-hand combat and stick fighting.

Careful, don’t want to get a splinter.