Don’t get up. Just keep doing what you’re doing (sipping champagne, chilling champagne, other assorted champagne-related activities) while we break down the most notable moments of 2013. Some good. Some... less good. All notable.

1: Number of towns bought, renamed “Bikinis” and christened with a bronze imprint of Carmen Electra’s breasts.

1: Large mechanical robots erected in Fair Park after Big Tex’s fiery demise.

100: Percent increase in local sports team-on-team Twitter hostility in 2013.

1,520: Days Jerry’s World existed before going corporate.

9: Reservation no-shows publicly shamed on Smyth’s Facebook page.

$25: Price the Dallas Contemporary placed on art they sold on eBay.

0: Artists who gave them permission to do so.

Too many to count: Cronut-related stories published this year.

Najat Kaanache: Name of local chef claiming to have invented the things.

1: Underwear-clad, guitar-playing Naked Cowboy franchises now licensed in Dallas.

< 0: Clue you had that Naked Cowboy franchises were a thing.