You’ll tell people you were there. Wrigley Field. April 8, 2013. The home opener the year the Cubs went all the way. That’s one scenario, anyhow. Though you may just wind up reminiscing about how perfectly well prepped you were. So consider these essentials.
You’ve seen big novelty Harry Caray glasses. Those are for tourists. These, on the other hand, are not. Meet Ultra Goliath 2, terrifyingly large vintage sunglasses that help you go all in on your bid to emulate the greatest Cubs fan of all time... or, in a pinch, Robert Evans.
Ernie Banks. Mr. Cub. They don’t make them like him anymore. Fortunately for you, however, they do make the type of wool jacket he wore in 1965. Frankly, on a chilly April day, this jacket is going to keep you warmer than Scott Feldman ever will.
You were a bleacher bum once. Now duty requires you to occasionally watch the game from a luxury skybox while wooing clients over fine cognac. But every now and again, just touch your wrists. Your cufflinks: yes, made from old Wrigley seats. They’ll keep you grounded.
You know a thing or two about the Cubs. The starting lineup. The whole goat-curse thing. How to spell Samardzija. It would be a shame to waste a lifetime of accumulated data. So please, download this app and set your encyclopedic knowledge of Dave Kingman free.
You don’t believe in curses. You don’t believe in luck. You also don’t believe weathermen. So be prepared for those frigid late innings with this blue-and-white-pinstripe fleece throw. A company called Reigning Champ makes it. But that doesn’t mean anything. Though, it doesn’t hurt anything, either.
