Looking back, you kind of nailed your 2012 resolutions. So, you know, congratulations on kind of nailing those. In fact, go ahead and take the rest of the week off. Unplug your alarm clock. Drink a regular Coke. Just do <em>something</em> before your new resolutions kick in. Something like this...
Red wine. In certain circumstances, it’s good for you. In other circumstances, it... costs $22,500. Like when you order a bottle of Domaine de la Romanée-Conti at Davio’s. Oh nothing, it’s just an impossibly rare Burgundy that costs as much as a down payment on a house. Hey, you only 2013 once.
You’re going to join some sort of gym come January. You don’t know why... just are. But for now, go ahead and take the Fat Ass Muff Challenge at Bone Lick BBQ. It’s where you try to eat a 6.5-pound muffuletta with pork, sausage, brisket, jalapeño-infused bacon, collard greens and slaw. Just...
Nothing throws caution to the wind like flying a Marchetti SF.260 around in it. And learning combat maneuvers in it. And dogfighting your face off in it. That’ll be you come March. So if you’re resolving to sign less liability waivers next year, go ahead and book this now. We won’t tell March.
Perhaps you’re involved with someone who, for whatever reason, you should probably see a bit less of in 2013. That’s your business. Do your thing. But first, sneak off together for three hours of steamy showers, side-by-side massages and a little... downtime in a hot apple cider bath. Then see less of them.
You gamble. Sometimes on horses. Sometimes on the Falcons. But always... always on showgirls. And if you’re considering scaling back on that... don’t. At least not until a crack team of Rounders types comes to your place and sets you up with leather poker tables, custom chips and a few Vegas-style showgirls. You win.
