Bells are ringing. Candles are lighting. Nogs are nogging. Naturally, you’re looking to be resplendent on the holiday party tour. So here is everything you need to see you through the season. You’re a modern-day Clark Griswold.
The red velvet tux jacket is one of the absolute necessities of the holiday party circuit. Pros know this. And the rakishness factor on this double-breasted, contrast-lapel velvet number lies somewhere between “Sinatra” and “just unfair.”
You’ve been around long enough to know you’ll eventually end up under some mistletoe. And when you do, you’re not going to be the one who didn’t confirm the absolute perfection of your breath using advanced Japanese breath-testing technology. You’re not a savage, after all.
It’s not like there’s anything wrong, per se, with being the 237th guest to show up with fruitcake. It’s just that these limited-edition cookies from Momofuku Milk Bar exist right now and, well, that’d be a lot better. But by all means, go with fruitcake if you want worse.
This briefcase contains everything you need to turn any cocktail or alcoholic beverage into something a lot... fizzier. Fizzier like champagne. Because you can’t think of a single thing on earth that isn’t improved by putting the word “sparkling” in front of it.
Rest assured, there will be a holiday sweater party. So instead of donning something with two reindeer praying to a Christmas tree in a blizzard in XXXL, you’ll have this clever piece of holiday knitwear. Prepare to explain it a lot.
