Well, here it comes. Labor Day weekend. The three-day kind. The kind that signals the beginning of another leaf-changing, cider-spiking, tent-pitching road-trip season. But before you Dukes of Hazzard yourself into the window of a ’68 Charger and get lost somewhere orange and red, you’ll need a few munitions. These, mostly...
You’re hiking. There’s a fork in the trail. To the left: a warm tavern. To the right: certain death. Your phone’s GPS: just sh*t the bed. Might want to grab this new GPS app that works anywhere, without an Internet connection. Or you could just use the sun. Or a map.
This fall, there’ll be football games. Some will be home. Some will be away. For the latter, you’ll need to get a keg from point A to point Baltimore. (Or Buffalo. Or wherever.) Simply procure this locally made, portable keg-cooler that uses frozen gel instead of ice. Or get 20 pounds of ice. In Baltimore. Or wherever.
Or maybe it’s just you and a traveling companion hitchhiking out west (if it’s good enough for Jack Kerouac...). And all you really need is an insulated bag made from a boat’s sail. One with enough room for 24 cans of beer. Or 12 cans of beer and some turkey legs. And some Laffy Taffy. And... anyway.
On your way out, stop by Chay J’s at the Food Truck Park. You’ll hand them money, and they’ll hand you a bag of pretzels. Pretzels laced with giant pecans and drizzled with caramel. We hear pretzels are a good source of manganese. And caramel is a good source of caramel.
Road-trip rule #27: Put sunglasses on your face. And use them to look amazing while head-nodding and finger-gunning everyone you pass. Or to block out the sun. Either way, Red’s Outfitters just got five new styles in today. One of them has red-wine-colored frames. To match your red wine. And pomegranate juice.
