Entertainment

Sweet 2016

Meet the New Olympic Sports of 2016

Sadly, this Sunday marks the closing of the 30th Olympiad. Buck up, though. For every ending there’s a new beginning. And in this case, it’s called Rio. Herewith, five brand-new sports that are either approved or hoping to join the Olympic roster in 2016. Yes, this is your cue to start training.

ROLL WITH IT

Skating Around and Tackling People

The Game: Roller Derby. It’s where you... play roller derby.
The Game Plan: Three professional derby coaches are willing to fly out to wherever you are and teach you the ins and outs of the game.
Status: In talks: yes, skating around and suplexing people over guardrails may soon be legitimized on a global scale.

FINE CHINA

Mastering Wushu with Jet Li’s Guy

The Game: Wushu. A Chinese martial art that involves flipping and kicking around with fake swords and sticks.
The Game Plan: Ask Jet Li to train you. And when that doesn’t happen, ask his buddy, who happens to run the Shaolin Wushu Center in LA. Maybe ask nicely.
Status: In talks: in Chinese.

KITE CLUB

Surf Behind a Big Kite. Win Gold.

The Game: Kiteboarding. Think waterskiing on a surfboard. Minus the boat.
The Game Plan: Sherman Island, California. It’s the site of the 2011 North American Championships. So you should train there. At a place called Ki’topia. If only because it’s called Ki’topia.
Status: Approved. Get excited. And a kite.

CLIMB SPREE

The Thunderdome of Climbing Gyms

The Game: Sport Climbing. It’s where you climb for sport.
The Game Plan: Go to Atlanta. Mostly because that’s where the largest climbing gym in America is. As in 30,000 square feet of ascendable surfaces.
Status: In talks: probably by people who are hanging upside down and eating Kashi GoLean Bars.

SQUASH.O

It’s Squash. And It’s About to Get Real.

The Game: Squash. You know... squash.
The Game Plan: Fact: you can train for squash anywhere. But considering gold is at stake, it’s probably best to train with a national champion. And you’ll find her at a brand-new squasheteria called Chelsea Piers in Connecticut. You knew Connecticut would be involved.
Status: In talks: might want to dust off your awkward goggles.