Leisure

Romancing the Throne

Getting Private in Public Restrooms

Yesterday, you did some things you weren’t proud of (wrote a sonnet, baked a quiche, sat through <em>Memoirs of a Geisha</em>). So today, let’s restore balance to the universe and talk about doing naughty things in restaurant bathrooms. Below, the city’s most seductive stalls and what to do after the deed is done. Step one: wash your hands.

THE HISTORY LESSON

Onegin

The Setting: It’s the only powder room in the city that’s completely furnished with 19th-century Russian antiques. Unfortunately, they’re all really creaky.
Well, Now What: Tickets for two to a midnight showing at the IFC Center. Or yet another activity the two of you can do together that involves minimal talking.

THE MOST THEATRICAL

The Box

The Setting: Opposite the stage and down some stairs, there’s a tropically wallpapered latrine inside the performers’ dressing room. Use that. But not before borrowing a prop (handcuff, whip) from wardrobe.
Well, Now What: Get a suite at the nearby Nolitan Hotel, where you’ll have access to XXX room service (think massage candles), a California king and yes, another bathroom.

THE RISKIEST

Riff Raff’s

The Setting: Incredibly spacious. Immaculately maintained. Mirrored on all sides. Oh, and technically reserved for the owners. It’s hidden up by the coat check. Which happens to be a solid plan B in the event the bathroom is occupied.
Well, Now What: The heated rooftop pool at the Gansevoort. It might not be Olympic regulation, but it does have a pinup girl painted on the bottom.

THE SHOWPIECE

Peep

The Setting: To set the mood, there’s a flat-screen TV in this crimson-lit loo playing risqué flicks. Also, a gigantic floor-to-ceiling one-way mirror that looks out into the dining room. So you can see when your meal arrives.
Well, Now What: Robustos at nearby Circa Tabac. Because nothing says “public-fornication victory lap” like a hand-rolled Dominican stogie.

THE SCENIC ROUTE

Le Bain

The Setting: You want the last washroom on the left. It’s the one with an unobstructed window view of Lower Manhattan. And your date.
Well, Now What: Le Bain’s infamous hot tub. Think of it as a warmer, way-more-chlorinated version of another well-known grotto.