Next weekend: your triumphant return to the Hamptons. Though we planned to mark the occasion with an original song, it proved impossible to find a competent oboist on short notice. Instead: our list of the essential newcomers arriving out east this summer. Probably for the best that we didn’t do the song anyway.
What You Seek: A beachy version of a MePa mega-club with enough room for you, your friends and the A-list celebrity crowd that dogs you at every turn.
What You’ll Find: 7,000 square feet of East Hampton patio space, outdoor daybeds and plush banquettes. The latter of which were aligned to form a catwalk. Helpful should a spontaneous walk-off break out.
What You Seek: The distinct feeling that you’re on a deserted Caribbean island. But with a state-of-the-art sound and lighting system.
What You’ll Find: A deck of 12 VIP cabanas cut off from civilization by a wall of potted palm trees, all brought to you by the Windsor folks. Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to communicate with the outside world through message in a bottle service.
What You Seek: Multi-floor, sexed-up gatherings where burlesque dancers outnumber share-house kids.
What You’ll Find: Upstairs: a champagne-drenched dining room. Downstairs: an English study complete with pool tables and live stage shows. Everywhere: those pesky burlesque dancers.
What You Seek: Minimizing movement after you’ve taken down a multitier seafood tower.
What You’ll Find: An ocean-to-table restaurant that transforms into an unhinged outdoor nightspot the moment the last lobster claw is cracked.
What You Seek: A way to finally bring Nobu with you on vacation.
What You’ll Find: A casual, poolside, Southampton satellite version of the famed sushi dojo. Complete with full catering capabilities. Just in case you’re looking to host a backyard omakase clambake.
What You Seek: The Saint-Tropez yacht scene. By way of Long Island.
What You’ll Find: A luxury sea vessel that’ll chauffeur you around the Hamptons, ply you with wine and hors d’oeuvres, and cook onboard gourmet meals out of anything you catch. Or bring with you in a cooler.
What You Seek: A ride to the beach.
What You’ll Find: A ride to the beach. For free. In an eco-friendly smart car. Apparently you can’t put a monetary value on saving trees.
