This Valentine’s Day “holiday” isn’t going away anytime soon. So really, your only option: eating. Ideally at one of the specific tables below. Think of it as unconditionally surrendering with style.
When selecting a table for two, one mustn’t undervalue the view. Here, you’ve got a direct line of sight
to Charlie Sheen’s favorite pre-meltdown spot. Order up a 1959 Chateau Latour with dinner and a room key
to the Plaza with dessert.
The Clincher: There are very few holidays that can’t be improved by simply asking
yourself this one question: “What would Sheen do?”
A seat by the window isn’t preferred in February. Unless that window happens to be attached to a towering
dollhouse. You’ll have a visual on your cooking dinner through the bedroom window, so just blink twice if
you require more shaved truffle.
The Clincher: Even if playing house isn’t quite your thing, perhaps the white-glove
champagne dinner will be of interest. Sabering is a distinct possibility.
Many restaurants will offer you champagne, oysters and chocolate on Valentine’s Day. But few will give you
the chance to eat them nestled up next to a fireplace in oversized red leather chairs. If you require a
bearskin rug, it’s BYO, so plan accordingly.
The Clincher: You’ve always looked your best when backlit by the natural glow of a
roaring fireplace.
Problem: you’ve given your private chef February off. Solution: this 10-course tasting menu that’s
served to only 10 guests a night. They’ll tailor the entire thing to your exact specifications, or base it
around one singular ingredient. Note: beef heart might be a little aggressive.
The Clincher: They’re closed on Valentine’s Day, but still celebrating the holiday a
week early. Perfect if you’ve been double booked.
You’ll try anything once. And though we hate to assume, we’re fairly certain you’ve never had dinner
and dry-ice cocktails while sitting inside a spinning teacup. Granted, that was less your fault and more the
result of a city severely lacking in teacup tables.
The Clincher: Many of the same physical reactions that are caused by arousal are identical
to the ones caused by dizziness. Many, but not all.
The key to a smooth transition from table to boudoir: cutting out the middleman. Book a pre–Valentine’s
Day brunch in this golden VIP bed, complete with personal champagne bottle butler. Though you’ll have to
settle for escargots in lieu of pillow mints.
The Clincher: They’ll block the entire area off for you with a velvet rope. Think of it
as their Do Not Disturb sign.
You’re quite the conversationalist, but wordplay has always been a distant second to your Pac-Man
game. Sure, a sense of humor is important, but in the end, all they really want is someone who can set a
high score between dinner and dessert.
The Clincher: The couple that eats ghosts together, stays together.
