We believe it was the great Italian philosopher Paulie Walnuts who once opined, “We taught the world how to eat.”

So today, we’d like to prepare you for your next tutorial. On the water...

Behold, your first look at Pasta Beach, the grand homage to Italy’s greatest boon (next to wine, mobsters and Monica Bellucci), tentatively opening this weekend.

Think of it as your new way to get a downtown taste of how the Northern Italians eat (sans the transatlantic flight)—and there are a few ways to go about it.

Before work, you can fuel up on espresso over some pastries, eggs and prosciutto crepes at the imported Italian marble bar (just like at Starbucks... only not at all like at Starbucks). Then midday, there’s plenty of grab-and-go soups, salads and sandwiches (caprese, prosciutto di parma) on fresh-baked focaccia bread for mini power lunches.

But if you really want to do as the Torinos, you’ll want to come in with your Annabella Sciorra look-alike, sit down with a bottle of wine (they’ve got Northern Italian, Chilean and French) and dive fork-first into any of the 18 pastas (gnocchi, tagliata, straciata) or 20 Neapolitan-style pizzas.

And because we know you’re a stickler for authenticity, you’ll be happy to know that all the chefs have literally been imported from the motherland.

And only one of them is named Boyardee.