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We call it: Skeptical Investigation. (Copyright pending.)
THE CLAIM
Courageous pastry scientists assert that the Mellow Yellow Cupcake from Butter Café & Bakery in Walpole will help you relax and fall asleep.
THE INVESTIGATION
After a long, hard day at UD Boston headquarters, we ordered a batch of the cupcakes. Then, we loosened our tie, pulled off our shoes and grabbed one of these.
There were no clear signs of this being anything other than a good-looking cupcake: wrapper came off easily and without crumbling. Cake was soft, but not mushy. Frosting: frosting-y.
But the secret ingredient was betrayed by the barely visible dark specks in the cake, which turned out to be bits of the gram of finely ground valerian root, a known mellower (see: Fight Club). Oh, and there’s also 60mg of melatonin in the batter.
VERDICT
About an hour after eating it (with prescription-strength 2% milk), we noticed there was a river of calmness flowing strongly just under the skin. The eyes even felt a little heavier. The mind wasn’t so busy. Two and a Half Men: suddenly (and only slightly) tolerable.
So we drank a glass of wine and ate another cupcake andzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............