We don’t want to say your holiday party is the most important event of the holiday season, but that’s only because a certain jealous hip-hop mogul might be reading this. Still, we’re willing to brave a vengeful posse and risk adding to the almost unwieldy hype by offering up our assistance with the most important detail other than selecting the ice sculpture theme: location. Herewith, a list of the most clandestine places for your private holiday party. The fact that we didn’t check it twice should be a sign of supreme confidence.
The secret to a good holiday party: secrets. The Lion’s Library Room has more of them than Wayne Manor. You’ll enter through a hidden door near the second-floor bathrooms, and once inside, uncover a giant two-way mirror, a false bookcase passage into a private dining chamber and a totally inconspicuous knight in shining armor. Which may or may not be watching you.
Head down a flight at April Bloomfield’s new seafood spot and you’ll find the kitchen. But with proper navigation you’ll also unearth a single, solitary private table. One that’s set in a background of stained glass, sits 12 and has direct access to the chef. They’ll handpick the menu; you’ll supply the captain’s hat.
Step 1: Locate a seemingly normal stairwell. Step 2: Enter a four-digit password (procured by carefully orchestrated inception or phone reservation) into the first coded door panel you encounter. Step 3: Lead your party past a long hallway of walk-in freezers, through a kitchen and into the backstage VIP area behind this Tribeca bar. Step 4: Ambush the top shelf. Step 5: Vanish without a trace.
Last year’s private holiday party for you was all about poor decisions (hence your waking up on a Norwegian fishing schooner). This year, it’ll be all about indecision. And for that, you’ll need a space that can provide an outdoor patio. And an indoor fireplace. For you and the chosen few. Or you and a mass of many. You’ve yet to make up your mind.
Your holiday parties: a work of art. Albeit a slightly surreal, abstract and partially nude work of art that demands a very specific type of canvas. This year, that’s a hidden upstairs gallery in a LES mezcal mansion. There, salacious events will unfold amongst a fireplace of candles, an open bar of libations and, should you require, a bowl of fried grasshoppers. And really, why wouldn’t you require.
Big changes are afoot in Freeman Alley. There’s a staircase now. And it leads up to a private, sprawling lounge of rawhide chairs, rustic couches and communal dining tables. Also, enough taxidermy to get even the most cynical of your 100 guests feeling merry. You know the rules should you wind up paired off under a stuffed moose head.
